Written by Kirsti Formoso,

MSc. Transpersonal Psychology, BSc. Psychology

You might have heard phrases like “everything happens for a reason,” “just stay positive,” or “that's just your ego.” Is this spiritual bypassing?

Sometimes these ideas are shared with kindness and good intentions. But in certain situations, they can quietly dismiss real pain, shut down difficult conversations, or encourage people to move past emotions that actually need attention.

This dynamic appears in many spiritual spaces. It can happen between teachers and students, within spiritual communities, and sometimes within our own inner dialogue.

Spiritual bypassing can be really harmful. Both to ourselves and to others. So if you're on a spiritual path, understanding spiritual bypassing is essential. Learning to recognise it in yourself and others can help reduce harm on your spiritual journey.

Spiritual bypassing can take many forms. It can appear in everyday conversations, within spiritual teachings, and even after powerful mystical or awakening experiences.

WHAT IS SPIRITUAL BYPASSING?

Spiritual bypassing is when someone uses spirituality to shield themselves from painful feelings and unresolved wounds. They use spiritual ideas or practices to avoid or escape facing the messy reality of being a human being with feelings and psychological needs.

The spiritual path promises enlightenment, liberation, and spiritual awakening. Freedom from suffering, pain and trauma. Naturally, then, many wounded souls find themselves attracted to the spiritual path.

But a spiritual life is not an escape from our traumas and shadows. It's not a magic wand. And it won't fix you or your psychological problems.

When we spiritually bypass, we take spiritual ideas, beliefs, and practices and use them to avoid the painful and difficult part of being a human and living in a physical body with an ego. It's like we take spiritual truths and apply them to physical existence.

Instead of processing psychologically challenging stuff, we sidestep uncomfortable feelings and painful emotions and focus on spiritual truths instead. But you can't side-step trauma and psychological wounds. They permeate our mental health and surface in our beliefs, behaviours and relationships.

Healthy, balanced spirituality means addressing unhealthy psychological behaviours. Take, for example, your attachment style. If you have an avoidant, anxious or disorganised attachment style, that seeps into every relationship you form, whether it’s with your boss, intimate partner, friends or your children. Spirituality will never change that.

Unresolved psychological issues don't just disappear because we can meditate for three hours, do a headstand for ten minutes or are spiritually awakened. Our psychological baggage continues to have a negative impact on our behaviour, even when we're enlightened.

Definition of spiritual bypassing welwood

SPIRITUAL BYPASSING AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM

As human beings, it's our natural instinct to move towards pleasure and away from pain. Most people run away from pain and use things like consumerism, work, alcohol, drugs, and even spirituality to avoid their inner turmoil. We don't want to deal with our emotional pain, vulnerability, or inner conflict, so we look for things that can help us escape it.

Spiritual bypassing functions as a defence mechanism because it allows us to avoid our inner struggles by retreating into spiritual concepts or practices. It's a way of denying or repressing that which needs to be healed and processed. Like all escape habits, it protects the ego from discomfort.

When we spiritually bypass, instead of confronting fear, grief, or anger directly, we numb or rationalise it through ideas like “I’ve already transcended that” or “It’s just my karma.”

This bypass creates a false sense of peace or superiority, shielding the psyche from difficult emotions it’s not ready to process. But it's a short-term solution with long-term consequences.

EXAMPLES OF SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

Emotional numbing through spiritual practice
Instead of processing grief after a breakup or loss, someone might immediately throw themselves into their spiritual practice, doing long hours of meditation or chanting, telling themselves they've “let it go” when in reality, they’re suppressing the sadness, pain, and grief they don’t want to feel.
Exaggerated detachment
A person claims they’re “above” drama or human attachments and avoids meaningful relationships or hard conversations, dismissing emotional intimacy as ego-based or unenlightened. This detachment often masks fear of vulnerability or rejection.
Overemphasis on positivity
Someone insists on “staying high-vibe only” and avoids all talk of pain, injustice, or negative feelings. When a friend opens up about depression or anxiety, they respond with, “Don’t focus on the negative, just raise your vibration!” instead of offering empathy.
Using meditation or yoga to escape life issues
Rather than facing a toxic work situation or a difficult family dynamic, you double down on your spiritual practice, doing more retreats, fasts, or breathwork without actually taking steps to resolve the underlying problems.
Creating a persona of spiritual perfection
A person constantly projects a peaceful, loving, “enlightened” image on social media or in community spaces, even though they privately struggle with anger, shame, or insecurity, but they feel admitting this would “ruin” their spiritual image.
Justifying personal flaws with spiritual language
Someone who is rude or emotionally unavailable may say, “I’m just being authentic,” or “This is your shadow, not mine,” using spiritual jargon to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour.
Dismissing others' emotions as “unenlightened”
A friend expresses hurt or sets a boundary, and the spiritual bypasser responds with, “You’re too attached to your ego,” or “You’re not awakened yet,” instead of acknowledging the impact of their actions.
Using beliefs like karma, inutition or divine will to avoid accountability
When confronted about causing harm, a person might say, “It was meant to happen for your growth,” or “It’s just your karma,” avoiding responsibility by framing pain as spiritually necessary.

Sound familiar? If you’ve been on your spiritual path for a while, I’m sure you’ve been guilty yourself or been on the receiving end of spiritual bypassing. If it was you, how long was it before you realised your behaviour was harming you or those around you? And if you were on the receiving end of it, how did you cope with that? I’d love to hear your experience of spiritual bypassing. It crops up in all sorts of guises and by sharing we can learn to identify it more rapidly and not get caught up in it.

SPIRITUAL BYPASSING AFTER MYSTICAL EXPERIENCES AND ENLIGHTENMENT

Many spiritual teachers have caused a lot of harm through spiritual bypassing. The problem is that people have non-dual mystical experiences, think they have all the answers and go out into the world prematurely to teach.

The people most prone to doing this are those who have extended mystical experiences, which can be mistaken for permanent enlightenment. But there is no such thing in this world. If you are alive, you have an egoic program which is designed for survival at all costs. The thing is, in this altered state of consciousness, many people believe they no longer have an ego. And it’s understandable, profound mystical and non-dual experiences can lead to neural plasticity, changing the way you behave.

From the day my extended mystical experience started, many of the things that would have triggered me before no longer triggered me. My brain was literally rewired, and I was in a state of non-dual bliss. But over the months, I watched the ego with its tricks, luring me back into the world of Maya. And I saw the ego is cunning.

Always standing guard, quietly watching, even if you’re in a non-dual mystical state. It is at the ready, ready to take back its power, to do its job of protection and survival, exerting itself as important, powerful, and special.

Spiritual teachers or gurus like Bikram Choudhury, the founder of Bikram Yoga, Osho, the most famous guru in the 70s and Robert Augustus Masters, a cult leader from the 80s, all likely fit into this scenario.

They all had gained a certain level of spiritual wisdom, likely from an extended mystical experience, and yet they all thought they had transcended ordinary human limitations. They believed their spiritual insight placed them beyond accountability, leading them to justify abusive, manipulative, or exploitative behaviour as part of their enlightened authority.

In doing so, they bypassed their own underlying deficient identity, using spiritual language to mask unresolved ego, trauma, and power dynamics ultimately causing harm to those who trusted them most.

THE CONSEQUENCES OF SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

Spiritual bypassing has consequences and can harm both the person doing the spiritual bypassing and those around them. In the cases I mention above, these teachers, gurus and leaders abused their followers, causing tremendous harm and trauma to their followers.

You don't have to be a leader to cause those around you harm when spiritually bypassing. The act of not addressing inappropriate behaviours rooted in psychological wounds and insecure attachment styles can affect all your relationships and harm those around you, like your children, partners, and friends.

But spiritual bypassing hurts you as well. Using spiritual concepts and practices to avoid facing unresolved emotional issues means your personal and spiritual growth and development are stunted. You never move past them. Instead, your inner child and shadow stuff continue to keep you locked in unhealthy interpersonal relationship dynamics, and old traumas keep triggering you.

And hey, guess what. You will only ever transcend as far as you dive deep into your psychological wounds and unfinished business.

JOHN WELWOOD AND INNER WORK

John Welwood, a prominent figure in transpersonal psychology, is credited with coining the phrase spiritual bypassing. A psychotherapist and practising Buddhist, Welwood advocated for a balanced approach to spirituality, what he called inner-work.

Welwood noticed that too much focus on trauma work and healing our psychological traumas resulted in people becoming obsessed with their narrative story as a victim, which led to self-centredness, egocentricity and depression.

At the other extreme, Welwood noticed that too much focus on meditation practice, transcendence, and enlightenment without psychological work resulted in spiritual bypassing.

Welwood suggested that engaging in psychological work would help us recognise and process our psychological wounds and inappropriate behaviours, while engaging in spiritual work would help us come out of our trauma victim narrative identities.

For many years, I would flip-flop between spiritual practice and psychological work. Each time I did it, I thought I'd wasted the previous years barking up the wrong tree. Until one day, I came to realise that the deeper I went psychologically into my pain and uncomfortable emotions, the higher I transcended. Welwood's theories came as a very welcome validation of my experience.

HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND BYPASSING

Ken Wilbur, another major thinker in transpersonal psychology and human development, identified two developmental paths: growing up (psychological work) and waking up (spiritual practice). Like Welwood, Wilbur advocated for this balanced approach to human development, which mutually enriches each other.

Wilbur suggests that neglecting either track risks spiritual bypassing or developmental deficits, hindering true wholeness.

What does your spiritual path look like? Is it one-sided? Do you focus on transcendent feel-good practices like listening to dreamy visualisation meditations? Or perhaps it’s mostly made up of status practices like yoga, sweat lodges, and psychedelic journeys?

There’s nothing wrong with any of these practices, but to avoid spiritual bypassing, you have to balance them with psychological work.

THE SPIRITUAL BYPASS EFFECT

Spiritual bypassing can prevent healing by avoiding the acknowledgement of emotional wounds and unresolved life situations. Facing unresolved emotional issues is essential for healing, despite fear or discomfort, to transform core wounds.

Spiritual bypassing can mask underlying relational deficits, such as those seen in our attachment styles, preventing genuine personal and spiritual transformation. It can lead to covert manipulative behaviours and reinforce feelings of deficiency and insecurity.

It promotes one-sided spirituality, valuing transcendence over physical embodiment or feeling. Ultimately, we are spiritual beings in physical bodies here to experience the relative world. Not to avoid it but to master it.

The spiritual bypass effect will always hinder emotional development and authentic spirituality. It stunts our development and restricts our transcendence.

HOW TO AVOID SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

Just knowing about the concept and understanding it can go a long way to avoiding it.

But by taking a multi-pronged approach to spirituality, we have a tool in our pocket the whole way that will help us avoid it. As Wilbur said, we have to grow up and wake up. Or, in Welwood’s terms, we have to engage in inner work.

We have to do the nitty-gritty, messy work of delving into our psyche. There’s no way around it; we have to go towards the pain and heartache and all the things we’re running from. We have to revisit our past so that we don’t bring it into our future. Engaging in inner-work is the best way to avoid spiritual bypassing and evolve on your spiritual journey.

But, it’s not a fail-proof way of avoiding spiritual bypassing. Even when we engage in inner-work, it is still possible to deceive ourselves and spiritually bypass. Hopefully, having read this page, you’ll be more able to detect when you or people around you are spiritually bypassing.

Another powerful way to protect yourself from spiritual bypassing is to develop present-moment self-awareness. Through presence and mindfulness, we learn to be in the present moment, to be a witness, an observer to what is arising in the moment. With this clarity and consciousness, we can better identify when things are off kilter in the moment.

When we have present-moment self-awareness, it’s as if time slows down. And in that space that emerges, we can reflect. We can keep ourselves in check. Ask yourself these questions to know if you are spiritually bypassing:

Am I deceiving myself?
Am I being true to myself?
How do I really feel?

And be ruthlessly honest with yourself when you reflect on these questions.

One beautiful thing about the spiritual path is it’s not all about us. Our quest to return to our true nature is met by our true nature. Something far greater than ourselves. On the path, we can also ask for help. One of my favourite prayers is, God, guard me from deceiving myself. Let me not deceive myself.

ABSOLUTE TRUTH VERSUS RELATIVE TRUTH

When I had my extended mystical experience, it was difficult to think in terms of relative truth. I was rooted in absolute truth. But we live in a world of relative truth. And that made me a bit disconnected from those around me. I think this can happen a lot when we’ve had an enlightening experience. If we’re not careful, we can end up dismissing other people’s relative experience.

So what's the difference between relative truth and absolute truth?

🔶 Relative Truth

Also called conventional truth

Refers to how things appear and function in our everyday, dualistic world.
It's shaped by language, culture, perspective, and experience.
It includes things like: “I am a person,” “That is a tree,” “This hurts.”
Relative truths are context-dependent — what's true in one situation might not be in another.
In psychology or ethics, this includes personal stories, emotional realities, social norms.

Example: “I feel abandoned.” That may not be objectively true, but it’s a valid experience within someone’s inner world.

🔶 Absolute Truth

Also called ultimate truth

Refers to what is eternally and universally true, beyond perception, thought, or ego.
In non-dual spirituality, it’s the understanding that everything is one, and that the separate self is an illusion.
It’s often described as pure awareness, emptiness (Śūnyatā), God, or consciousness itself.
Absolute truth transcends duality — there is no good/bad, self/other, life/death.

Example: “There is no separate self; all is one consciousness.”

🔶 How they relate

In many spiritual paths, both are valid and necessary.
Denying relative truth in favour of absolute truth can lead to spiritual bypassing.
Fully awakening often involves integrating both:
→ Living in the world (relative) while rooted in awareness (absolute).

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE SPIRITUALLY BYPASSING

It's difficult to see ourselves; we have blind spots. You know, like when it's obvious to everyone else that someone is stressed, but they can't see it themselves. If you're only engaging in spiritually transcendent work and not doing any depth psychological work, you are probably guilty of spiritual bypassing.

Here are 6 things to look out for in yourself;

You feel a pressure to always be peaceful, loving, or “high vibration.”
There’s no room for messy, raw, or contradictory feelings, and when they arise, you feel like you’re failing spiritually.
You’re avoiding real-world action, responsibility or accountability.
You say things like “the universe will take care of it” while you do nothing to pay your bills. Or you justify inappropriate actions by attributing them to your intuition, as something that can’t be wrong.
You quickly “forgive” but still feel resentful.
You skip the messy inner work of healing and go straight to forgiveness or detachment, but deep down, you're still hurt.
You rely on spiritual practices to numb or escape.
You meditate, chant, or do yoga to avoid discomfort, not to be present with it using stillness to suppress, not integrate.
You use spiritual identity as a shield.
You’ve adopted a “spiritual” persona, wise, calm, awakened, but it keeps you from showing your real, vulnerable self.
You dismiss your (or others') emotional needs as “ego.”
You’ve come to believe that needing love, boundaries, or validation is “low vibe” or unenlightened, so you ignore them.

Do you recognise yourself or someone close? If this resonates, I’d genuinely love to hear your experience in the comments. These conversations help make the hidden parts of spiritual life more visible.

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUALITY VS SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

Understanding spiritual bypassing is essential for genuine personal and spiritual transformation. It's important to be able to recognise it in yourself so that you do not hurt those around you or stunt your own growth and evolution. And to be able to recognise it in others, so that you can protect yourself from harm.

Engaging in real, deep inner work that involves working on your psychological dimension is one way to protect yourself from spiritual bypassing. That means dealing with our old wounds and traumas rather than running away from them. It means embracing your embodied experience of living in this physical world and processing stuff as it arises. It means learning to understand your egoic patterns, tendencies and vices.

Authentic spirituality involves engaging with experience, not rising above it. For we can only transcend as far as we descend into the depths of our soul, and what it means to be human. While the path of authentic spirituality is hard, scary, and challenging, it is equally rewarding with authentic joy, awe and love. Be courageous in your spirituality.

Spiritual bypassing is often something we only recognise in hindsight.

I'm curious about your experience.

Have you ever noticed spiritual ideas being used to avoid difficult emotions or conversations?

It might have been in a community, in a relationship, or even within your own inner dialogue.

If you're open to sharing, leave a comment below. Your experience might help someone else recognise their own.

Understanding Spiritual Bypassing and Why It’s Harmful (With Examples)