When we feel like we don't have anyone to talk to, it's quite often because there is no one in our lives that gets us. There is no one who can truly reflect back to us the essence of who we are and how we feel. And this makes us feel lonely and isolated.

The pain of feeling alone can be one of the most anguishing emotions we can feel. We're social creatures, and we need social connections. But more than that, we need people to reflect back on who we are.

It's the sense that if no one can reflect back to us who we are, who we are becomes compromised. As if we don't exist. And there is nothing more painful to the egoic program than the threat of existence.

Most of us either shut down or over-explain after a fight. Neither helps. Here's how to talk to your partner once things have cooled — with your nervous system, not just your words.